I have held a secret from my early childhood for my whole life, until 2 nights ago. My pastor had started a new marriage class on Wednesday nights on the book “What Husbands and Wives Aren’t Telling Each Other.” We were assigned to read the first chapter in the book as “homework” before the first class. We read the chapter together, out loud. It focused on how every person coming into a marriage has some type of baggage they bring with them, possibly caused by some kind of family dysfunction or traumatic experience as a child. The book listed several different scenarios that may cause future marital issues, such as being raped to feeling you couldn’t do anything right for your parents. The book continued to talk about how identifying these situations from your past and talking with your spouse about them will help the mending process, as well as giving your spouse a better understanding of you. Needless to say, while M read the book to me, memories from a hurtful past kept running through my head, and I tried to hide my tears. I didn’t want M to know what I’d been through.

At the end of the chapter were a series of discussion questions, in which we had to identify the emotion we struggle with the most in our marriage and where we thought it rooted from. After sharing with each other, I became very outwardly emotionally distressed, and M could tell something was really bothering me. I knew I needed to tell him what happened to me, but I was scared and felt ashamed. Somehow I managed to muster out, “I was messed with.” And then the real crying started. I had just told the person I love the most on this earth what I had never told anyone, and I was so afraid of his reaction. Would he be angry I didn’t share this painful part of my life with him before we got married? Would he feel like I’ve lied to him this whole time? Would he be disgusted with me and put blame on me? Sharing this secret with him was the hardest thing I have ever had to tell anyone.

So how did he react? I was amazed! He wasn’t angry one bit, but open and understanding. He held me and wiped my tears, and told me not to cover my face in shame. And most of all, he was patient. We stayed up until early in the morning until I was able to tell him exactly what happened to me. It took a very long time for me to tell him everything, from when, to where, to how, and the hardest…the who. But he waited patiently beside me the whole time, telling me it was okay, and waiting for me as I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.

Yes, I was exposed to sexual experiences at a young age. M now knew that. After patiently waiting and listening, he found out a family member was the cause, which was the hardest thing for me to tell him of all. All this time we had been together, almost 7 years since we started dating, I was afraid to tell him thinking he’d reject me and blame me for what had happened. But do you know what he said? “It doesn’t change a thing with us.” That’s exactly what I needed to hear: total reassurance of his love for me. Through the whole process, he kept telling me how much he wanted to be able to help me with whatever has been bothering me all these years. And now that he knows my deepest, darkest secret, it is almost as if a weight has been lifted off my chest. Even thinking back to my experiences doesn’t hurt as bad. My husband knows all about it, and he still loves me and accepts me, and is there to help me through rough times whenever they pop into my head again.

If you are struggling with an issue from the past and you know you have a strong, loving relationship with your spouse, don’t be afraid to tell them! Yes, it will be very hard to bring up those past hurts and feelings, but the reward at the end is so great! I feel so much closer to M. He can now pray for healing in that specific area in my life and help me through it. If you can’t trust your spouse, the one you have vowed your entire life to, who can you trust?

M was the first guy I had ever kissed. We had dated about a month before we kissed for the first time, and although I was scared out of my mind, I was ready. I had gotten to know M well, and I trusted him. Trust is a big issue when it comes to kissing. You are allowing someone to come within your personal space which communicates a message to the person. Most people don’t just let anyone into their personal space, and by kissing someone, it tells them that you feel a special closeness to them. Although I had never kissed a guy before M, I did have the opportunity to. I was with a group of school friends, and I got to talking with a certain guy from school. We talked for a while and realized everyone else was gone. When I started leaving to meet up with the rest of the group, he pulled me in with his arms and tried to kiss me. I was completely startled and pulled away from him. I hardly knew the guy, and talking with him for about an hour was not enough time for me to trust him enough to kiss him. So like I said before, kissing conveys trust between two people.

Once the first kiss was introduced in our relationship, M and I would often find ourselves spending most of our time together doing just that. It was new and exciting to us, and it let me know that he was still interested in being with me. Although kissing all the time eventually wears off in a relationship, it is still a way to provide reassurance that you still want to be with the other person. I’m sorry to have to admit it, but girls like to be reassured about a lot of things. And here is the easy part guys; kissing allows you to reassure our importance to you without having to express it with words. Of course, words are important too, but kissing is a great way to start. Feel free to read more about what women want to hear.

After M and I had been married a few months, I can distinctly remember a time when some young married women from my church were asking me about how married life was treating me. It was during this conversation that one of them asked me a question that shocked me. Do you guys still kiss? I couldn’t believe why someone would ask such an absurd question, until all the women started laughing and informed me that after you are married for a while, you don’t kiss anymore. I wouldn’t have believed it except that all of them were agreeing. Is this possibly true for the rest of you out there reading this? Does kissing stop after being married for a while?

If so, I am scared for where my relationship is heading. Kissing, and not just a peck on the cheek, is something that I need to have a healthy relationship with my husband. We actually just had this conversation last night. It is so important for he and I to kiss, and for it to not exactly lead to anything else. A long and meaningful kiss from M makes me feel as if I mean the world to him. It is a time when I have his full focus and attention in a sweet and romantic way. Let me emphasize again the importance of kissing sometimes just for the sake of kissing. Guys get a bad break when it comes to kissing just to initiate the beginning of other intimate things. I’m telling all you guys out there, just have a big kissing session with your wife sometime, and don’t take it any further. It will blow her away. I know it does me. So from now on, don’t underestimate the importance of kissing.

Avoidant Daters

Avoidant daters are singles who don’t date at all, even if the opportunity comes along. One reason a man or woman chooses not to date is time. For example, some people feel that between work, school, family, church, and friends, they just don’t have any time for the dating game. Another reason one might date is because it isn’t appealing to them. Some people just flat out aren’t interested in dating at the certain points in their lives. There are also those who aren’t allowed to date. Some parents have ruled that their children can’t date until they reach a certain age. Besides all of these reasons one might not date, there is always the fact that some people simply don’t get the opportunity, even if they are interested. Dating takes two individuals, and for some, the other half just hasn’t come into the picture quite yet.

Intermittent Daters

Intermittent daters are men and women who don’t purposefully seek relationships, but if the opportunity comes they will take it. Such daters have other priorities in their life that they don’t mind keeping first over dating relationships. I saw a woman whose story was on the news recently about this very thing. She was a confident individual who felt she can live her life with or without a partner and be happy with herself, however never denying the fact that she would like a partner. Intermittent daters believe that in the right timing, fate will take its, so there is no need in vigorously seeking relationships.

Casual Daters

Casual daters are individuals who find dating as something fun to do, some even look at it as being a hobby. For example, some men and women date many different people, and do so often. These type aren’t necessarily looking for a serious relationship with anyone at this point; but just want to experience the fun and excitement comes with the dating process. Long term commitment is never on the casual daters mind.

Serious Daters

Serious daters are those who are dating with one soul purpose; to find their life partner. These daters have come to the point in their life where they are done fooling around being avoidant, intermittent, and casual daters, and they are prepared for the next big step in life. When I entered my relationship with M, I knew I was entering a serious relationship. I believe that M had the same intentions as well. And dating seriously doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t fun. As the relationship grows longer and deeper, marriage is often brought up in the conversations. Such a partnership has the potential of marriage, and that is exactly what the serious dater is looking for. I am happy to find it worked for M and I!

Dating Addicts

Besides these positive methods of dating, there is one form that can be very harmful to a dater. Dating addicts are those who have become so dependent on having another person in their life that they must constantly be in a relationship to feel like a whole person. These daters often have low self-esteem and try to fill that void by sharing a bond with someone else. I have known a girl for several years who this describes perfectly. Having started dating at a young age, she doesn’t know how to function as an self-confident individual. Moving quickly and painfully from one hurtful relationship to the next has become the common trend in her dating experience, as with most dating addicts. Dating addicts often get caught in this vicious cycle that leaves no heart unharmed.

Avoidant, intermittent, casual, and serious dating are for different individuals at different stages of life which can be considered, for the most part, healthy ways of approaching dating. Dating addiction, on the other hand, can be harmful if not recognized and measures are taken to break the pattern. Dating will likely continue being a prominent way of mate selection for most singles. Some helpful advice; choose wisely, and know your purpose in dating. Try to remove yourself from your current situation and see it from someone else’s eyes. You may find that your current relationship, or lack of, is a positive or negative thing. And just remember to do what is right for you.

Please post a comment and tell us the technique you currently are using or what you have used in the past.

Let’s face it, women are wired completely different than men! Our brains work differently. We think and do things differently. Our physical make up is different. But these are all good things! We were made to be compliments to one another. Generally speaking, women tend to be more emotional than men. This is nothing new to us. However, when a woman starts getting “moody,” they easily get labeled a five-letter word and men give it no further thought.

This is not a men-bashing article. If anything, I want to help men and women better understand their wife’s (or own) emotions. I want to use some personal experience from M and I’s relationship. First of all, M and I rarely fight. But when we do, it seems that I am almost always the cause of it. M would never accuse me of this, but I know it’s true. How? Because every time we fight, its because I am an emotional wreck.

For example, this weekend I got home from school, M got home from work, and we were fixing supper together. Sounds fun, right? It was, until we started sarcastically teasing each other, which we do often and usually it doesn’t bother me. It was all out of fun. But for some reason, words that were exchanged suddenly struck a nerve with me, and I instantly started boiling inside. It only progressed from there. M thought we were still joking around, and each thing he did hurt me even more. The ultimate offense was when he gave our dog something to play with that I had thrown away. When I found it on the floor, I picked it up, apparently yelled “you stupid idiot” (we don’t swear) while throwing the object at him and ran out into the garage, crying.

So what was I feeling at this point? First of all, I was cold. Our garage isn’t heated. Second, I couldn’t understand why on earth I went from having fun to instantly freaking out. I sat in the garage a long time, not to punish M and wonder when he’d come get me, but to punish myself. I felt so stupid. I had never gotten that crazy on M before. And what was even more bothersome was that there was no reason for it. To this day, I still can’t understand what happened to make me so upset. So finally after “calming” down, I swallowed my pride and went back into the house.

M was probably feeling pretty lost at this point. But to be honest, so was I. Was it a combination of stress, hormones, and built up emotion that caused the explosion? I really don’t know. And the sad thing was, my emotional state lasted all weekend. Friday was the explosion, Saturday I was weepy and doubting M wanting to be with me, and Sunday I was down and slept nearly half the day. There was no reason for me to doubt M’s love for me, or to be depressed. But I was.

I definitely don’t mean this to be depressing. I just want to tell men that it really is true; understanding a woman’s emotions is nearly impossible, even for women! I can’t even understand it myself. When M asked me what was wrong, I seriously couldn’t give him a reason. But as with everything else, it will pass. So just stick it out and remember that the woman you married is still under those death-stare or tear-filled eyes. And lots of hugs and reassurance that you still love us helps too.

M and I recently went to a marriage class offered at our church titled “Refreshing Your Marriage by Minding the Little Things.” The speaker emphasized over and over again about how important it is to continue to do the small things in a marriage. He compared the small, positive things in marriage to yeast. A very small amount of yeast added to bread will make it rise a tremendous amount. It is the same in marriage. Doing small things for each other to let the other partner know you love them add up quickly! The positive feeling they get when you do something thoughtful for them will grow into other parts of the marriage, and it will become easier for your partner to return their love to you in the same way.

So what exactly are the little things that are so important in a marriage? It is different for each individual. I will give some examples from M and I’s relationship. M always loves it when I have his shirts ironed for work and he doesn’t have to ask me to do it for him. The things I say to him are also important. He likes it when I ask him how his day was, and when I give him compliments about things he has done. On the other hand, I feel the most connected to M when he cuddles with me, or tells me I’m beautiful. I think we can all agree that these actions I have described are very simple and easy to do, yet they are extremely crucial things to have in a marriage.

The great thing about this is that no matter where you are in your marriage, whether very much in love newlyweds or on the brink of divorce, incorporating these positive actions into your marriage can make drastic changes for the better. The speaker in the video told of countless couples he had met with who confessed to not even liking their partner anymore. They felt that their marriages were at a dead-end. His prescription? Do one small, positive, caring action every day, five days a week, for six weeks. At the end of six weeks, evaluate how your feelings towards your spouse have changed for the better. And amazingly, for the couples who stuck with the program, they felt as if their relationship made a complete “one-eighty.”

In order for this plan to be most effective, you first must know what little things your spouse desires from you the most. Some of you may think you already have a good idea of what your spouse desires from you, but I still suggest you do the following: make a list of ten, small and simple actions that you would like to see from your spouse. You may be surprised some of the suggestions that show up on your partners list! For example, I already knew that M would put “make meals” on his list, but I had no idea that he liked it when I left little notes for him around the house! I learned more about my partner by actually writing out a list and not assuming what he likes. So write out a list of ten actions and exchange them with your partner. Also, it is important when writing your list to not make “Ten Demands” rather than just things you like. Write the list to help your partner, not to put them down. Only then will it be the most effective.

Once you have made the exchange, it time to use what you know. Make it a point to do one thing off your spouse’s list each day for five days out of the week. I don’t think this is a lot to ask! M and I started implementing this into our marriage right away, and I already feel after three days that my attitude is changing towards him. In no way would I have considered our marriage to be struggling, but when we started doing more little things for each other, I could already see improvement. That’s what is so great about marriage, there is always room to grow! I really feel even more satisfied than ever in my marriage. For us, it feels like we are dating. I’m not saying this will be the case for everyone, but it will most definitely improve your marriage in some form.

At the end of our six weeks, I will write another entry evaluating how this worked for us. Give it a try and let us know how it works for you in your relationship! We would love to hear if this is helpful to anybody else. Just take it one day, one simple action at a time and see how your relationship grows together!

The five phrases a woman needs to hear often:

I think you’re beautiful. It doesn’t matter how high a woman’s self-esteem is, these words are needed and desired by every woman in a committed relationship. Just because you said it when you were first dating, or on your wedding day, doesn’t give you a free pass to never say it again. I find that the longer I am married to M, the more I want to hear him tell me I’m beautiful. It builds confidence and lets me know that he still finds me to be attractive. A sure sign that you are not saying this phrase enough is if your girlfriend or wife continually asks, “Do you think I look fat?” or something to that effect. In many cases, I believe that women who ask the question are really asking, “Do you think I’m beautiful?” Our culture teaches us that looks mean a lot, and reassurance from our man that he likes the way we look means volumes to us. So trust me guys, this one will never get old to us. So say it!

I’m listening. It seems like guys have a hard time with this one. Blame it on the wiring of their brains, or whatever, but it is hard to grab a guys full attention in a lot of cases. If men really want to knock a woman’s socks off, just listen! Turn off the radio or the TV when we start talking to you. Look us in the eyes. And most of all, don’t jump in with your advice one minute into the conversation. I know that my husband seems to have a solution for everything, whether I am looking for a solution or not. A lot of the time, women just want to vent a little bit. We want to know that our feelings are being heard. So don’t jump in with your advice right away, but instead listen to us.

It’s going to be alright. A reassuring word means a lot, and even more so when accompanied with a little cuddling. On days that I wish God would take me to my eternal home, M usually has a way of calming me down again. We women can get really emotional at times. I know there are times that I can start crying for basically no reason. And there are times that there is good reason. Those feminists out there would probably hate to hear me say this, but women want to know they’ll be taken care of. It has nothing to do with being a so-called weaker sex. It is simply a basic need, shared by all people, men and women alike. So if your spouse is going through a tough time, give them a big hug and tell them everything will be alright. And believe it or not, we’ll believe you.

What can I do to help? Such a statement says a lot about your relationship with your partner. If a man is asking you about what he can help you with, you can rest assured he sees you as an equal partner and knows you shouldn’t be the one doing everything on your own. It means a lot to me when M is willing to ask if he can help me with anything. He realizes we are both equally busy with life, and I can’t keep up with the housework as easily on my own versus tackling the chore together. This statement doesn’t only apply to housework either. If you are going through a tough time, a good man will not only notice, but will care enough to ask what he can do about it. That’s when the tendency of men to be problem-solvers comes in handy. Men that are willing to put themselves at our disposal will find a fond place in our hearts.

I love you. Okay guys, if you haven’t gotten this one down already, good luck! Don’t just assume that we know that you love us. Sure, it is important to show love through your actions, but hearing it from your lips makes it complete. If these words are said sincerely, they will never get old to us.

I hope this advice, coming from a wife myself, will help all you men out there know what you should be saying often to remind the women in your lives of your love and commitment. If you want more ideas on how to keep your ladies happy, I suggest you read M’s post on How to Keep Your Relationship Healthy With Your Wife.

Women need to be loved through thick and thin.
Men, love your wife no matter how bad you screw up or your wife screws up. We all make mistakes! That is the way God made us! Love is the cement that holds your relationship together. I have noticed that B really needs to be loved when she is going through tough times. She may have had a bad day at school or work and just needs that big hug with an “I love you” attached. Don’t get mad at your wife when she is all down and out about her day. I used to get upset because her attitude would bring mine down. I have learned that men need to go down to that emotional level with their wives and help bring them back up. Don’t leave your wife in that lonely, cold spot of feeling down and out. It will speak volumes to her when she realizes you care about how she feels and the two of you will grow stronger in each other.

Women need to be surprised and pampered.
Men, nothing says “I love you” like a thoughtful surprise. Find something that she would never expect and do it. Take her on a car ride through some scenic area to see the fall leaves and have a picnic somewhere together. Women don’t always need flowers and a diamond to be surprised. Don’t get me wrong though, women do love diamonds and flowers. I am lucky with B. She would rather go out to eat and have fun then have me spend money on something as temporary as flowers. I know for a fact though that a surprise of flowers for no reason is a good thing also. Catch your wife off guard and do something spontaneous and exciting. Get her a massage somewhere. Stretch your wife’s comfort zone and she will enjoy it. I took B to a weekend of fun for a one-year anniversary. She talked about it here. I picked everything out for the weekend and she knew nothing about it. She knew that we were going away for the weekend and that I had planned everything. I planned a Segway tour and a stay in a really nice hotel. She was really freaked out when we showed up to the Segway tour. She will be the first to admit that it was a great weekend! Surprise your wife! Rub her feet with some cool lotion or draw her a bath after a long day at work. She will love you for it and it will strengthen your relationships with each other.

Your wife needs to feel secure.
Women need to feel secure in their marriage. This ranges from finances, to a roof over her head, to protection, and etc…. Love also creates a secure feeling. I am a bit bigger than the average guy and I am a lot bigger than my wife. She loves the fact that I am a big teddy bear. It comforts her when I give her a big hug. I am not saying that you have to go out and get hugely overweight or workout a ton to get bigger. That is just one way my wife feels secure. Some women like to run the finances and maybe that is a good thing for some men. There are all sorts of ways to make your wife feel secure in your marriage and strengthen your marriage and relationship.

You wife may just want to have fun.
Men, don’t be dull and boring in your relationship. Do fun stuff together that will draw you closer together. I love it when B has fun and laughs. It makes me feel good when we can laugh together and enjoy each others company. I know she enjoys it as well. Having fun in a relationship is key to making it last. Don’t let the “fun well” go dry. It is harder to fill it when it is empty. Continue to fill it at all times and your relationship will always be fun and the fun will never run dry.

Help your wife with the household chores.
This one may hurt, men. Surprise your wife by cleaning the floors while she is away. Clean the bathroom on your own without her asking you. I am of the mindset that men should help with these household chores anyways. I do struggle with it at times though. Doing these things blesses your wife in so many ways. I know I mentioned drawing a bath for your wife before, but draw a bath and then clean the floors or do the dishes or do anything that would bless her and make her feel loved and appreciated. Have her put her feet up and you vacuum or play with the kids (if you have them). There a so many things that you could do for her. Little things go a long way!

I could go on and on about things to do to keep your relationship healthy and on fire for each other. Keep a list of these ideas and try and incorporate them into your home life. You will notice that your wife will want to return the favor sometimes. Bless your wife and she will want to bless you. Healthy marriages are import in today’s world. It is important for your kids and for yourselves. The divorce rate is so high these days. Lets turn that statistic around, men!

Fell free to leave as many comments as you want or send us a message. I want to hear other ideas from other men and women out their. I would like to make this a resource for happy, healthy marriages. A healthy marriage is a life long journey.

I have chosen to participate in ProBlogger’s Group Writing Project again with this post. Swing on by and check it out.

UPDATE: My wife wrote an entry on Five things a Woman Needs to Hear to Fall in Love. It is a good read!

It’s hard to believe that M was able to keep a secret from me for as long as he did. Usually he’s the one who can’t wait to open Christmas presents, so we open them a week early. When he gets excited about something, he usually wants to tell me right away. So when the day came we were leaving for our anniversary trip, and I still hadn’t heard a peep about what we were doing, I was pretty impressed. The only thing M had informed me was that I would never be able to guess one of the activities he had planned. It was so exciting to be going somewhere and have no clue about where we were going to stay and what we were going to do.

We drove a couple hours to our first destination, and M was right, I never would have guessed what we would be doing! He had planned a three hour segway tour around our destination city. To be honest, I was really skeptical at first. I knew M was Mr. Technology and it didn’t surprise me the activity he had planned. But soon after we got comfortable on our segways and touring the city, it turned out to be such a blast! We drove on bike trails around the river, crossed bridges, toured a little bit of the city, and had a little off-roading time. It was so much fun! Afterwards, I had to apologize to M for being a little unsure about the whole segway thing, because it turned out to be a great time. It was one of those things that I would never choose to do for myself, but M broke me out of my comfort zone and I actually found it to be enjoyable. It was really fun being able to enjoy a new experience together.

At this point, we still hadn’t checked into our hotel. M told me he had reserved a room at a hotel that was on an island in the middle of the river. Hearing that alone sounded exciting! And as soon as we walked into the hotel, I knew he had to have paid a pretty penny for it too! It was very ritzy. Our room was really fancy. It had a Sleep Number bed in it, and we had fun playing with that. We both set our sides to zero and woke up with backaches, but it was a blast. I never would have chosen to stay at a hotel that nice, but it was just another new experience for us to have together, and I was so impressed that he was able to pick something so nice and special for the weekend.

On top of that, we ate at new places and went for a walk downtown in the city, which was a place I had never been. There were so many unique places that I had never seen before.

The next morning before we left the hotel, M had planned a five-course brunch for us to go to. This, by far, was the biggest stretch for me. I was not used to being served such elegant food in such an elegant setting. It was one of those situations in which you don’t know which fork to use. Despite the fact of feeling a little awkward, I enjoyed it very much.

M and I exchanged cards. Of course, I started crying before I even started to read the one he got for me. He had totally blown me away with what he had planned for the weekend, and the fact that he picked everything out himself made me feel so special. The weekend was just about as magical as our wedding day. Everything seemed so new and exciting, and even more exciting because I was experiencing it with the man I love. I wouldn’t trade that weekend with him for any gift we could have bought for each other.

If you’ve got a special day coming up, I’d definitely consider having a surprise getaway. It definitely won my heart all over again. There is nothing better than making memories with the person you love. Trying new things together will only draw you even closer. And who knows, maybe you’ll start a tradition! Maybe next year I’ll be the one surprising M. There are so many possibilities besides buying gifts. I’m so glad that M looked outside of the box to celebrate our first anniversary together.

My plan for my relationship: My relationship with M, first and foremost, has to be kept Number One. I never want a piece of homework or a call from work to take priority over him. I’m not saying it’s okay to skip studying for a final just to watch a TV show with him, but time with each other is important to me. And I’m not saying I’m going to the extreme of making a literal schedule in which I have to pencil him in. That’s kind of weird, if you ask me. I just want to be sensitive to the amount of time I am spending with my husband. I don’t want to neglect our relationship. Sure, there are times when things really need to get done, possibly for a deadline, but it’s healthy to step away for a break now and then. And even then if M would need me for something, I wouldn’t hesitate to help him. And now that M is back in school, I see the importance of making time for your spouse even more so. Although I’ve been pretty understanding so far about him needing to do schoolwork, there are still times that I wish he would just step back for a couple minutes and give me some attention. And he has been really good about that too. So no matter what school may bring, I’m not going to forget that I have a spouse that needs my attention as well.

My plan for work: It seems like I’ve got about four different jobs I’m balancing at once. I will be starting part-time as a children’s minister at the church soon, which will require much dedicated time. On top of that, I have a job at an assisted living home and a few hours at another senior housing facility. And in March of this year I started selling jewelry at in-home parties, which business has quadrupled since I started. It’s great to be making money and contributing to paying our expenses. However, being a part of the children’s ministry is going to have to be my priority. I’m going to have to cut way back on the hours I take at the assisted-living facility, and maybe even stop doing jewelry parties, although they pay very well. If I don’t make priorities as to what job is more important, I’m going to run myself in the ground with work. Although there might not be as much income coming in, I have to make time for school as well.

My plan for school: I’m just starting my last year as a Biomedical Science major, and I am already overwhelmed. I’ve got a presentation on Diabetes that is to last two class periods due in two weeks. Biochemistry makes me feel like I can’t breathe. My Immunology teacher has never taught a class before and doesn’t have a clue. And I can’t find the book for my Medical Terminology class! I have a lot of work to do! In order to make this semester as easy as possible, I’m making a clear plan for myself. First, every assignment and test coming up for each class is going to be written in the same planner so I can keep everything straight. Next, instead of crashing on the couch when I get home from school like I’ve done in the past, I’m going to work on any assignments that are due in the near future. My motivation for working on assignments right away takes me back to my first plan–my plan for my relationship. The sooner and quicker I get my assignments done, the more time I will have to spend with my husband when he gets home from work. Another great time for me to work on homework is when M is busy doing his own homework, or if he is out mowing the lawn or doing something I can’t be involved in. For example, M will be gone all weekend at Promise Keepers. I decided before he even left that this will be a study weekend. As of now, I’ve already finished a paper that isn’t due until Wednesday, and I’ve started researching for my upcoming presentation. Tomorrow it’s Biochemistry. School should go better if I stick to my plan.

I’m really excited to see how taking the time to write down what I expect of myself is going to affect the way I manage my time. If it works for me, maybe it can work for you too.

Don’t get me wrong, because I am really excited about him working on his Master’s degree. He is one of the most hard-working and driven people that I know. But as soon as he walked out the door, a realization came over me that things are going to be a lot different for the next year. M is going to be spending a lot of time doing homework and discussions on the computer, and I’m going to have to keep from interrupting him. We aren’t going to be able to just take off for a few days since he will be so tied to his school work. And even though he will only be gone two nights every six weeks, I suddenly felt lonely.

I have become so accustomed to M always being home in the evenings that it seemed strange when he wasn’t there. It just made me realize how quickly I had adapted to married life. But at least I have our little puggat, Roogy, around. He kept me company. And I figured there were a lot of things I could do while he was gone, like getting things lined up for my last year of school. I printed off some papers for my Biochemistry class, and then tried to figure out my student loans and I got stumped. I couldn’t do it without M. So I hit a dead end.

I tried other things to make myself occupied. I drove out to my parents, only to realize when I got there that I was driving M’s little runner car which has an “I Love My Wife” sticker on the back. That must have looked funny to the people driving behind me, especially because there is also a sticker that says “Marriage: One Man, One Woman”. I also made the mistake by taking Roogy to my parents. My brothers were playing their instruments in the garage, and Roogy was freaked out every second we were there. So that was my second flop of the night.

I got home and decided to unwind with a bath. You can’t go wrong with that, right? I got the water going, put Roogy in his kennel, and hopped in. A few seconds later, Roogy starts barking to no end. And M can attest to this: he is the disciplinarian, not me! So being I couldn’t get him to stop, I let him out. I tried to continue with my bath, but having the dog in the same room as me just wasn’t doing it for me. So yet another failed attempt to have an enjoyable night alone.

I hopped on the couch and flipped on the TV, only to see a kidnapped woman being held captive on CSI. That is not what I needed to see! I turned it off, but that was enough to be a little nervous the rest of the night about someone coming in the house. I gave up and went to bed, and I took Roogy with me. I just kept thinking about how long it had been since I had slept in a bed all by myself. I used to do it all the time before M and I were married, and it didn’t feel weird then. And now, a short year later, it felt eerie. And for some reason I started thinking about how lonely life would be without M in it. I realized how much I have come to depend on him as my husband and my friend, and a warm body in bed next to me. I knew M had a long and late drive home, and I said a prayer for him that he would make it home safely, and I drifted off to sleep. The next thing I know, M is flipping the light on in the bedroom and comes over and gives me a hug. It was 11:45pm. It felt so good to see him home.

I feel almost silly for even admitting how lost and bored I feel when he’s not around. Maybe some may even say it’s not healthy to be that way. Yet, it’s the way I feel. Maybe it is part of being a newlywed, and maybe it will change with time. But I’m actually happy I feel that way, otherwise I would almost feel like something was wrong with our relationship if I didn’t miss him when he was gone, even just for an evening.

I take my time spent with M very seriously. M is leaving for a whole weekend soon to go to Promise Keepers, and I got asked to work the two days before he leaves. Because of my hours, this means I would barely see M for five days. I ended up picking up one of the days, just because I didn’t want to go that long without spending good time with him. And the good thing about it is that M understands it is important to me as well.

I work at an assisted-living facility, and I get told over and over again by the residents there to enjoy time together while we can and while we’re young. Most of the people living there have been without their spouses for years now, and they really see the importance of having time for each other. I just want to make sure I take their advice and keep my relationship with my husband a priority over work, and any other things that are not as important.

I’m excited to see where life takes M and I together. It’s funny how a little time apart can put things in perspective and make you realize how much your life changes when you get married to revolve around the other person. But I wouldn’t go back to life before him even if I could. And I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be.