Changing jobs or even thinking about it can be hard on relationships. There are a few things that you need to remember while making a life-changing decision like this. Let our story help you in your decision making process. Feel free to comment to give any tips or thoughts.

This past week has been a stressful one. It has been hard on our relationship because I have been looking at another job that had presented itself to me. It was my first attempt at looking for another job while currently employed. It was also the first time I had gone through a time like this with my wife. It seemed like the weeks took so long to go by. I was full of anxiety the whole time. From the time I clicked send in my email with the resume to the time I made a decision about the job.

It was an opportunity that was extremely hard to pass up. My wife knew that from the start and so did I. The problem was that we would of had to move to a different town about 2 hours away and try and sell out current house. The housing market is not what it used to be and I was having serious doubts about trying to sell a house. Our life was extremely busy and full of decisions for the short span of about 3 weeks. It is amazing how much you can talk about something with your wife and never really come to a clear understanding of the direction we needed to go. It was a huge decision.

The job would have provided great benefits to me as well as a substantial salary increase. The area would of been great for B to find a job that she liked with her degree. It was all looking so good to us. We both had are minds on a salary figure that we felt meant that God wanted us to move to the new location and take the job. Both of our families did not like the idea, but they wanted what was best for us. The real issue of why we didn’t make the move is because of timing.

The job opportunity fell in my lap and I thought I would give it a shot. It would be a good learning experience if anything. I submitted my resume and then waited. I heard back from the gentleman who was filling the position and he wanted to interview me. I drove up and went to the interview. I was so anxious and scared! I couldn’t think straight. I went in the interview and absolutely nailed it! It felt so good to be interviewed by two separate groups of people and felt like I did a good job. It was all looking good. I asked the questions that I wanted to ask. They said that the start date would be flexible and that family came first before work. The later is the most important to me by far.

The flexible start date was important because B doesn’t finish college for about 2 months yet. They said the start date would indeed be flexible. I was happy to hear that. The manager called me and wanted to offer me the job. B and I both felt like things were happening for the good and for a good reason. We set up a time when I could talk to the manager and HR about the salary and the benefits. They shot me an offer and it felt like I had been slapped across the face. It was only a little higher than what I was currently making and hardly enough to go through the process of selling a home, moving and buying another home. It wasn’t even affordable at best. I was devastated. He also told me that the start date was to be no longer than 30 days out after acceptance. That put me starting my job 1 month before B was even done with college. We would of been apart for a month. I didn’t like that.

I knew that a person should never take the first offer and always go higher. I called him back and told him that I wasn’t happy with the initial offer and that it wouldn’t even be worth it to move. He said he would call me back. He did and the offer was double what he had initially offered. He said it was the final offer and all the higher he would go. We were getting there, but not to the “Magic” number that would make us decide that it was what we were supposed to do. B and I crunched all sorts of numbers with different salary figures, house payments, bills, debt…etc. We had it all covered. I even looked at the tax brackets to see if I was getting into another bracket and would end up taking a loss after paying taxes.

I called the guy back and told him the minimum salary that we would even consider to make the move. He said he would check for me and see if he could do that. He called me back and said that he could make that offer, but I would have to let him know by the end of the day if I was going to accept the position. That was another bogus statement. B was in school yet and wouldn’t be home till 1 hour before the decision had to be made. I was not happy about that. I waited till B got home and told her about it. She told me to call him back and ask if the decision could be made after the weekend. He said it was OK and that he was sorry he put such a harsh demand on me like that. So, now I had to go tell my manager about the offer and the decision I had to make over the weekend.

My manager and I met for a half hour and then I headed home. He called me back a half hour later and wanted to go out for lunch the next day to discuss what he wanted to offer to keep me here. That sounded good and I gave it a shot. I was absolutely floored by the offer and wanted to say yes right there. I had to wait to talk to B. She was floored also. It was an unbelievable offer. I couldn’t say no to it.

I called the manager for the job I applied for and told him why I couldn’t take the job. I never mentioned that I received a counter offer. I told him three things that kept me from taking a job that I absolutely wanted:

  • The timing wasn’t right
  • Didn’t want to start working while my wife was in school
  • Had a bad feeling about selling my house in the current market
  • He understood me completely and we both agreed why I couldn’t take the job. He said he would keep me in mind for the next opportunity and I thanked him for that. It was a wonderful learning experience. He would of been a good manager for sure.

    The take away from the whole ordeal is to do what feels right and what you feel God wants for you and your loved ones. I turned down a great opportunity because I wanted to be with my wife at all possible times. It wasn’t good for a 1.5 year old marriage to go through. We did talk that aspect over and agreed that we may have to do that, but in the end, our relationship won out over a good job. I love my wife with all my heart and I couldn’t see myself choosing a job over her. I hope this event helps you in your relationship with your wife. Careers are cool, but not as cool as a great marriage! Feel free to leave a comment for us.