This seems to be an age old question that couples ask themselves… When should we have kids? Men and women tend to think differently when this subject comes up. The roles can be swapped as well. Some relationships can suffer from differing ideals about having children and the timing at which to pursue having kids. Romance can dwindle, sparks can sputter out, and the relationship can diminish fast if a man and woman are on opposite sides of the spectrum. Having kids can be a blessing and a hindrance from what I hear from some wise and well-traveled adults.
Timing is everything when deciding to have kids. Finances need to be in order so money is not a problem when the little one arrives or when you decide to pursue having kids. Some people dive right into having kids with no worry whatsoever about money and financial stability. These couples can either make it or struggle through life. Children are a blessing and can bring joy and happiness to couple if they are both ready.
Discuss the idea of having kids early in the stages of a serious relationship. The late stage of dating is a good place to ask this question. Do not assume that the man or women of your dreams feels the same way you do about having kids. It is always best to ask. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to ask this delicate question. Dating is where you find out if you are indeed compatible with one another. Why wouldn’t you want to learn everything you can about your potential life mate? After all, you have to live life with this significant other for the rest of your life. Do not go into a marriage/serious relationship without talking about having kids.
I have heard countless stories about couples feeling that they are ready for marriage and progress to that stage of life. They get married and the wife wants to have kids right away or the husband wants to have kids right away. Both individuals may have a different time table in their heads which they want to follow. It is important to learn these details so some common ground can be found. Don’t be stubborn and hard-headed. Compromise with your significant other and make a decision. Be happy with the decision that you both want to make right now.
Some couples want to live life right away during the first years of marriage. That is a great mindset to have if you both agree. This is where B and I are right now. There are a lot of young couples who had kids nine months after marriage or two months after marriage. They now have to devote 99% of their life to this little one for years. Get to know each other once you are married. Having kids at this stage in the marriage can be both a blessing and a hindrance. After all, most people say that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. As you know, B and I believe differently about this “Myth.”
Waiting to have kids till you are older can bring its own difficulties. You may have to see a fertility specialist to learn about options for having kids at this stage in life due to your age. This can drain you both emotionally and financially. In Vitro Fertilization can cost on average about $12,000 and isn’t typically covered by insurance. Obviously, waiting too long has its own problems.
All in all, it is your decision to make. You and your mate need to decide when the best time is to have children. Don’t let family and friend help you make the decision. Your mother-in-law will not be around at 3 in the morning when you are up with the baby. The decision is yours. Make the right decision based on finances; your relationship with your significant other, timing, and the list can go on and on. Take some time to talk to your mate and find out what they think about the age old question… When should we have kids?
Please feel free to add a comment on your decision making style that you and your significant other made. B and I are still discussing this and we would like to hear more from actual young parents.