Nothing speaks louder to a man than his wife supporting him through think and thin, happy times, and sad times. My wife loves me in a way that nobody else can. She stands behind me when I have to make a decision that affects us as a married couple and as individuals. I think it is safe to say that there really isn’t much individualism in marriage when both the husband and wife are on the same page both spiritually and emotionally.
B keeps me sane and on track. I really couldn’t make it through life without her and I love that fact. Marriage is when two individuals become one. Marriage is the best because I get to live with my best friend, do fun stuff with my best friend, and live life everyday with my best friend. I can talk to B about anything I want to and I know that she is listening and evaluating everything I say. These verbal and nonverbal actions speak volumes to me.
Decision making in our relationship is sometimes hard. I want to do stuff that B wants to do and she wants to do stuff that I want to do. Here is a typical exchange we might have while deciding on a place to eat.
Me: Where do you want to eat at babe?
B: It doesn’t matter to me; I want to eat where you want to eat.
Me: No, you pick; I want to eat where you want to eat.
B: I don’t care; you pick a place.
Me: I don’t care either.
B: Just pick something.
Me: I can’t think of anything. Give me the three places you want to eat at.
B: Taco Bell, Chipotle, or that good Mexican place.
Me: I knew you would pick those. Which one do you want?
B: I don’t care! You told me to pick three places! Now you pick one of the three.
Me: [this is me acting like I am thinking and driving to Taco Bell] Let me think.[Arrival at Taco Bell]
B: Yesssss! Taco Bell!
One thing I have learned while dealing with decision making is that I always wanted B to make the decision. What I didn’t realize is that deep down inside, B wants me to make the decision and she will like my decision regardless. She just wants me to make a decision. I have struggled with this because I have always wanted B to have or get everything she has ever wanted and I want nothing less than that. I want to bless her over and over again. I would rather do something she wants to do and not enjoy it as much as I would have enjoyed doing something I truly wanted to do. That may sound weird to some of you guys and gals reading this but it is true.
I recall from a past conversation that we have had that she really wants me to be the decision maker of the household. I agree with that to some extent, but I truly want to bless B every chance I can. B feels blessed when I make a decision. I know she is blessed by other things, but I am trying to stick with this idea of a supporting woman in the lives of men.
Wives need to encourage their husbands during the happy and sad times. I love it when B pushes me to work harder when I am down and out about a paper that is due for my Masters program. Her encouragement fires me up and renews my desire to do the best job I can and do it for B and us. B’s support means the world to me. Some women reading this are saying “I am not going to support my husband on issue X because it is a bonehead idea and it won’t work.” I am not saying that you have to be a push over and do whatever your husband says. You need to let your husband fall flat on his face a few times and get back up. That builds character, wisdom, and integrity.
I think Einstein said it best when he said “The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results.” You may have to smack him upside the head when he is doing something over and over again, but be supportive about it. Don’t say “I told you it wouldn’t work! Why didn’t you listen to me?” Just love him and help him bandage the wounds. Don’t tear them and make them worse with belittlement. Be supportive of your husband and it will speak volumes to him in the long run and his love for you will grow deeper and stronger.
There is a saying that my Pastor says often and that is “Behind every good man is a better woman.” I know that is true for a fact and I would venture to say that it is true in most marriages. I know B would say that I make her a better person and I say that she makes me a better person. That is one decision that I am happy that I don’t have to make! Have a blessed day and go support your mate!